:: tuesday ::

Bismillah....

yah... after having a long weekend it's time to go back to work.... some of the staffs take their annual leave to celebrate Christmas.

Last weekend I spent some time with my friends, we're celebrating our leaving from G&M company, yah.... at last.... one of them accepted at the national oil company. You can guess how it is if you worked in an oil company.....

it's been a long time since the last time i go out and have fun with my friends..... And I really have fun last weekend, even though I have to pass the ice skating because I have to go home early....

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:: I don't understand ::

:: ::
:: ::
I read my last post, I don't understand what i'm goin through that day. I remember the friday, but i forget about the monday, i said that i received a call that made me tremble all over.... ?? what's that all about, and it's in the middle of ramadhan....

Aha, now i remember..... it's my sister.... I still can't figure out the way they think about my problems... my needs... It seems that I have all the obligations but have no rights... I have to do this, and do that, but i can't do something for myself, even spend some time with my friends....

honestly, right now i'm practically have no friend, cause they won't allow me to have one. All I can do in the weekend is sleep, go around here and there, sit, watch tv..... everytime I want to have my own activities, they start talking that i'm a "anak d****ka" ......
like i have no life.... and then on monday I have to go back to work.....

if you can't have a great weekend..... then you don't have a life.... no matter how good you at work, you'll fall eventually....


sick guy! that's me....

somebody... help me!!!!

:: getting worse ::

yup, it's getting worse, i don't know how to deal with it anymore. every step and every thing i do it's like leading me to even worse condition.

this morning i received a call that makes me tremble all over, until now i still feel my body "abnormal", kind of sea sick but i'm not in the middle of the ocean.....

tired....

still, i'm struggling to take control of myself (again...)
right now i'm in the condition where i have less control on myself.... emptyness is in myself now...

:: my days... ::

Alhamdulillah....

it's friday, it's 3.30pm, and it's ramadhan.....
this afternoon i will go back to bogor, although my friends are going to have a "party" tonight, i guess i just have to pass it and hope i won't regret it.

it will be hard time for me for the next three days, face to face with a dillema. i don't know what will happen, i can't loose it all.

next monday i must come up with a decision "take it or leave it".... it's hard... i don't know, maybe i'm just affraid to face new things, new environment. and also affraid to leave things behind, i'm affraid that i make a bad impression to the one i left behind...... once again.... a dillema.....

i don't know if anyone will ever read this writings, i just hope writing what i feel and what i hope will give a little ballance in my emotion....

....................
do you really think that salary is above all??

abd muis, 15:39..... still have doubts....

:: me... ::

sesaat kubaca kembali rangkaian kata yang pernah kutulis lebih dari setahun yang lalu, kehampaan.....
segera kusadari, sampai saat ini diri tak juga menemukan perubahan, mungkin lebih buruk lagi.....

harapan....
yang ketika itu masih jauh dari pandangan
bagaikan setitik kecil nun jauh disana
di batas horizon penglihatan

setahun sudah berlalu
mungkin lebih
harapan itu makin jauh
tak terlihat

mungkinkah hilang??
mungkinkah terbang terbawa angin??

tak tahu lagi kemana harus mencari
harapan itu tak lagi termaknai
.......

:: I'm Back ::

Bismillah....

iseng2 buka google trus masukin nama adi gia utama di dalam keywordnya.... ternyata banyak hasilnya, kebanyakan link2x blog anggota blogger muslim indonesia. Baru inget, ternyata saya punya blog.....

yah, setelah lebih dari setaun ga ngisi blog, aku baru menyadari begitu banyak hal yang sebenernya bisa kutuliskan dan ku'dokumentasikan' dalam blog ini....

kalau dipikir-pikir, selama setaun ini aku kehilangan kesempatan utk mengembangkan sisi kreatif-menulis.

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hari ini ga ada kerjaan di kantor...... semua site belum ada yang siap uji terima. sebenernya masih ada agenda kerjaan lain, tapi belum kepikiran untuk dikerjain, soalnya aneh, yang ngasih kerjaannya ga konsisten dan ga realistis.

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